Thursday, January 19, 2012

GUYS cLASSified !!

[This blog post comes as a random post, for I was bored of posting about life lessons and relationships.. I always wanted to write about my own classification of guys.. Each category is named after an animal.. You may or may not like it, I wrote this blog just for the heck of it.. But then, at the same time, I wish to convey a message too.. Its a humble request to all readers, please read it with an open mind..
Hope you enjoy the classification.. Cheers !! ]

The Puppies :
First of all, I apologize to all dog lovers for comparing the ultimately cute puppies to these guys.. Puppies, to begin with, are guys who run after hot chicks..Well,its pretty obvious that all guys like hotter girls..but then, puppies are a special category for they actually chase them wagging their tails..Even after realizing and accepting that the girl is a bitch and does not give a damn to them, they would give her infinite chances in the name of their so-called love, they would continue to make attempts to manipulate her and 'conquer' her mind (even if she happens to be a mindless creature), hoping that they still have a chance..hoping that everything will fall into place one day..They are ready to lose their dignity, in fact, I believe that, they do not possess that dignity in the first place, leave alone losing it..And the irony is that, all puppies think that they're manly and must be proud of 'being a man'..Out of frustration, they start assuming that all girls are bitches, and start avoiding true friends and well wishers...Frankly, I don't give a shit to the puppies anymore, for I know that my words can't inculcate self-respect in them..

The Mice : A mouse is a guy who would make you feel special, would tell you that he needs you and he would promise you that he won't ever let you go.. As a matter of fact, when he says that he needs you, he really means it for he does need you for "emotional support".. And in spite of his endless promises to be there with you forever, you are never special to him, for he makes the same promises to every other girl who is a source of some happiness to him..Yes, mice can't face hardships of their life on their own..They are emotionally weak, mentally unstable, psychos and weirdos who seek support and sympathy from all girls who are way stronger than them..They have a tendency to escape..They go into isolation whenever anything at all goes wrong..They won't pick calls, they won't share their problems, they would simply make you feel perplexed and perturbed..They start assuming that their life is a waste..They do not love themselves..Out of guilt, they often say that they don't deserve you, and trust me when I say this, they're right when they say so..No matter how much you try, you would end up realizing that your efforts to encourage and motivate them were all in vain.. simply because, mice are born "losers" !!

The Monkeys : When you're fed up of being 'used' by the mice, being taken for granted by the puppies,the monkeys come to the rescue...Monkeys are popular for their amazing sense of humor and witty talks..People might consider them to be jobless guys who are born to entertain the whole world with their meaningless PJs, but I respect them for making me laugh, I respect them for their intelligence, I respect them for they value their dignity unlike the puppies..Monkeys are the most sensible and strongest guys around.. They have a practical and optimistic approach towards life..When a monkey says something to praise a girl,he doesn't say so in an attempt to flirt, he actually means it! Monkeys have a great style of talking..They are awesome orators..They can always make you laugh no matter how sad you are.. They keep their promises..To cut the long story short, monkeys are your truest friends..

The Tigers : The most interesting category, and of course, the most attractive category too !! Tigers are the irresistible heartthrobs, apparently perfect and incredibly popular guys.. They include the real hot models, the amazing guitarists, the good looking football players, the sexy dancers, the guys who have a voice to die for, and so on.. Apart from their god gifted talent and looks, they also possess a perfect style of talking and an invincible ability to flirt..The biggest reason why girls find the tigers attractive is not the fact that they're good looking, talented or stylish, its just that, they don't run after girls !
Unfortunately, there are three sub categories of the tigers too..These three subcategories initially make you feel as if you're on top of the world and then walk away from your life later.. Firstly, the over ambitious tigers : All tigers are ambitious, they wish to be famous, they wish to earn loads n loads of money..They are ultimate workaholics.. They always claim that they are busy..They would never devote time to you..They would choose to spend their valuable time taking rest, but they won't attend your calls, won't reply to your messages, simply because, they have a tendency to become self-obsessed psychos out of their over ambitiousness..
Second, the Casanovas : They would charm you, they would flirt with you, they would make you feel as if you're the love of their life, and then, one fine day, they would walk away and another name would be added on to the long list of women in their life !
Third, the Haughty Tigers : No matter how cool or popular a guy is, a girl can never stand someone who makes her feel that she is inferior to him.. Some tigers are arrogant beyond words..So much so, that they become totally unbearable..

The Donkeys : Every girl has a list of guys who are "blocked" from her facebook chat, and every guy from the list of blocked guys, is a donkey by default..Donkeys are the most irritating guys, who ask for your phone number right after they meet you, who ask you to go out with them even when they barely know you..Somehow, they are never able to realize that girls don't wish to talk to them, but they keep on trying to initiate conversations in their typical style..and they have just three questions to ask from you.. One, do you have a boyfriend? Two, Can I have your number? Three, You're rarely online..You know I was missing you, so wassup?

The Tortoises : Remember, slow and steady wins the race ! A tortoise is a guy who can make his way to a girl's heart slowly and steadily.. Tortoises have patience to know and understand who a girl really is.. They are shy and the very same reason makes them cute.. They respect women, they respect their family and unlike the puppies, they value their dignity the most.. Tortoises are ambitious guys who work hard to achieve their goals in their professional lives.. When a tortoise falls in love, he would always be true and loyal to his girl, come what may!
The only problem with these guys is that, they often hesitate to talk for they're shy.. They can't really express themselves, and unfortunately, at times, girls simply don't notice them!

The Chimpanzees : They are popularly known as 'geeks' or 'nerds'... They're those super genius kids who are born to crack the toughest of the entrance exams.. They have a unique lifestyle of their own.. They love coding and making programs.. They love to spend time with their books and mathematics problems.. I like their "I don't care about what people think of me" attitude quite a lot ! In certain cases, sadly, chimpanzees, tend to realize that something is missing in their life.. This happens when they achieve great success in their professional lives and they end up realizing that they're living in emptiness, emptiness in terms of their personal lives.. In some cases, they start running after women around them, they spend money, they are used and finally, they become what puppies are !! Sigh !

The Stray Dogs : The puppies, according to my post aren't really cute and lovable.. Similarly, the stray dogs here aren't pathetically bad too.. Confused? Well, you might have noticed that girls always go weak in the knees when they talk to sophisticated and decent men God knows why ! I feel that a guy who can't abuse does not deserve to be called a man.. I love it when a guy fights for his girl.. I really don't like sophisticated and chivalrous men and I respect aggressive and rebellious guys.. So, the stray dogs are basically guys who wish to stay who they really are, who admire simplicity, who aren't fake, who respect themselves (unlike the puppies and the mice), who are always ignored by bimbos and nincompoops who are mad about fake style and status..

The Jackals: Insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness define the jackals.. They envy the guys who act as monkeys (best friends) for their girlfriends and they envy the guys who act as tigers (crushes) for their best friends among girls even more..They can't stand someone else being closer to girls who are close to them.. They are insecure simply because they don't have faith, they can never trust and because of this attitude, they try n keep restrictions, they make rules, they snatch your freedom from you, they don't let you be.. Any relationship at all can't survive with insecurities and without trust.. Jackals and their over possessiveness can be disastrous at times..

The Crocodiles : 'Liar' is the word ! Right from their family background to the number of girls who proposed to them, right from their academic achievements to their popularity.. Everything that crocodiles talk of is absolutely fake !! A crocodile can fake his emotions.. he can go up to the extent of saying that a girl is dating him, even if she doesn't even know that he actually exists ! Crocodiles are sick and all girls are sensible enough to know that they ought to stay away from them..

The Wolves : Wolves are the criminals who can actually scare you.. Their eyes, their expressions and the way they stare at women around them, and everything about them is hateable.. They feel that every woman is a slut, and the only feeling that they can ever relate to, is that of lust.. I wish I could abuse them all but I don't wish to do that publicly... Lets just put an end to the description here itself !

The classification comes to an end, but before I put an end to the post, I wish to say a few important things..

A message dedicated to all those guys who say that all men are insecure and possessive, all men are emotionally weaker, but we're not to be blamed, its testosterone.. Get a life !! And at least stop blaming hormones for God's sake!

The Return of HUM TUM happens to be the most popular post on this blog.. Guys commented on the same saying that they loved reading it, but people still fail to realize the meaning of friendship.. When a girl admires you as a best friend, she would believe in you more than what you believe in yourself.. She would respect you in spite of knowing the worst of the things about you.. She would take care of your health, she would put in efforts to make you happier, she would ignore your stupidities and hopelessness, she would forgive you with an effortless ease and all she would expect from you is some respect, absolutely nothing beyond that ! If you have a friend like my blog's character Sho, you're blessed with a selfless friend, the day you start disrespecting her, misunderstanding her, the day you break her trust, she might choose to value her dignity and you might end up losing her ! You have absolutely no right to blame her for walking away, for a true friend would never decide to leave you unless she's actually hurt..

All puppies and mice, come up with absurd statements like , "all women are bitches" right after they have a breakup..Even if they're blessed with the truest friends among girls, they are frustrated, they post sad facebook status updates blaming women for their so-called heartbreak and sorrowful personal life..They start devoting more time towards their career, hoping that it would divert their mind, but, they can't be happy in their personal lives unless they stop running after girls who don't value them and start loving and respecting themselves..

I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. - Marilyn Monroe

I have seen many guys who've hurt me, who've made me cry.. I've been with mice and jackals, I've lived with with puppies and frustrated psychos..Perhaps, every girl faces some losers in her life..But we never say that all men are dogs ! We're always strong enough to face situations, to move on, to remember the beautiful moments n be happy about the same!

People come n go.. Life moves on.. If you feel that you've been disrespected and taken for granted, accept that God doesn't want you to be hurt anymore and move on.. If you feel you had been wrong, stop shedding tears out of guilt, apologize, forget your ego and get your old friend back into your life.. Come what may, never curse your life n luck and never blame all girls around you for the one who ditched you..
The next time you hear someone saying, "all girls are bitches", you can definitely conclude that the guy is a frustrated loser..
Hope you were able to relate to the blog !

A girl-next-door who is definitely NOT A BITCH !!

The title of this blog was suggested by a nice friend, Vikas Singh, sincere thanks to him..
This post would have been really incomplete without my friend Surbhi Makkar's help.. She is a really intelligent girl and an amazing writer.. I hope she starts writing blogs soon ! Widget on
If you enjoyed this article then kindly take 5 seconds to share it!!


vikas said...

I always knew that Harbhajan meant no harm when he called Symonds a 'Monkey' :)

Who is this Vikas Singh by the way? seems really witty this fellow!

Sonia said...

Vikas Singh,

You're such a monkey !
n I, hereby, declare that I officially hate your sense of humor !!

Chat pe bolta hai tu brave hai.. yahan pe symonds-bhajji phir se! huh !

P.S. Monkeys ka ek point reh gaya tha.. wo apni tareef karne se baaz nahi aate ! :P

Neha said...

I soo loved the classification!! I was wishing it would never end ;)
Amazing, as always!! Cheers!! :)

Anonymous said...

the shy 'tortoise' did not say much except that it was all true! :D

are you a zoology prof by any chance ?! :P
nicely written...I didn't expect such a thoughtful blog out of that stupid idea !
If one reads between the lines,one can actually see the turbulence of mind,the ache that made you write this...
I hope it makes the male members of the 'homo sapiens' species,see some sense!

surbhi forgot the koala ! and the panda !

Anonymous said...

Seems like you've dated all :P
Nice post btw!

Anonymous said...

nice blog....enjoyed reading it

Srijan said...

main kisme aata hun.. pata nahi chala abhi tak :(
everything else is awsm!

Sonia said...

@ neha : Thank you :):)
@ surbhi
Well, it might be comedy for the whole world, but people who know n understand, would definitely know the pain..the pain that i vent out via this blog..n m feelin awesome now..blogging rocks..i might have reasons to be frustrated, but i don't blame my luck, my life or guys around me.. i just accept it n move on each time.. i know they won't realize, but i do hope they move on.. somehow...

P.S. Koala n panda me kuch interesting nahi tha yaar :P n m glad the tortoise liked it :):)

Sonia said...

@ anonymous

rofl.. as a matter of fact, i dated none :P
but i've been with all of them, lived with them, they made me smile, they made me cry.. so.. its all out of my experiences n observations ! :)

@ srijan
DCE rank 1, IP rank 5, JEE rank 80..
i still remember ur ranks.. n you are still confused bout your category :O :O :P

Sakshi said...

omg maza aa gya yarrrr.....nd d best part was images aa rhi ti logo ki hahahahaxDxD

Anonymous said...

nice classification haah.....!! But no classification fo gals... all are cute crocos:):):)

hahahaha said...

cool.... seems u got lot of time... Wonderful..!

Lakshay Nanda said...

Ms. Sonia, the new official zoo keeper has been employed for this psychoanalysis of her Animal Farm. I personally felt that each animal lies in some part of a guy. He's a mosaic of small traits with different levels of life and time. But in my personal opinion, monkeys are damn awesome. :D

I don't have enough talent to classify girls. In a single specie, I keep them as a 'mocking bird'. And the phrase 'To kill a mocking bird' spreads light on newer meanings. :p

P.S., superb write-up! \m/

Sonia said...

@ sakshi
lol.. yeah ;)
i might come up with a classification for girls soon :) n i hope u realize the reason why i wrote it.. just like.. not all guys are the same.. not all girls are same too.. some of them are really sweet to people around them :) u just gotta acknowledge their care :)

Cheers !!

Sonia said...

@ lakshay nanda

Yo !! Monkeys rock :D
but tere comment ko dekh ke lag raha hai.. zyada hi tareef ho gayi unki.. saale sarcasm se baaz nahi aate :P

Neha Sharma said...

amazing post!!

Anonymous said...

Whenever i read your blog.. only 1 word comes in my mind.. AMAZING!!! But for this blog, AMAZING word is also so small.. As i can relate my self to 2-3 animals :)

Anyways nice blog.. Loved reading it!!!

I do, I do. said...

Haha, great post! Thank you for the follow on my blog! :)

Have a nice time ahead!

Seяendipity™ said...

Whoa !!!
You really have put a lot of effort in this post. My favorite was the cute puppies :D

Test Guide said...

i appricate your efforts for this great content, its really awesome post to read me.

Sonia said...

@ anonymous
Thank you so much ! Do I know you?

@ Serendipity
trust me when I say this, I wrote it with an effortless ease, I wrote it at one go :D

Thanks everyone !!


Nice put in words I can only say that

raunak.only4u said...

I am still in a state of shock, cause in a dilemma whether I should be happy and appreciating the work or be disgusted seeing your way of comparing a man to animals, even though you have used some compliments at places which seemed to be sarcasm to me.

Sonia said...

@ RAHUL.. Thanks

@ Raunak.. Ha ha ha ha
This is the funnies comment I have ever read..I never had an intention to compare men to animals, I just hated some men who came up with statements like "all women are bitches"
It was just a silly idea! and somehow the list will always be incomplete

But then, no, nothing at all was sarcastic as far as monkeys n tortoises are concerned.. I respect them from the bottom of my heart and I mean it!

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