Tuesday, March 27, 2012

There is a Way to be Good Again

[ Caution : This is not one of those funny and interesting posts that I write just for the heck of it.. Sometimes, you have to write because you are in dire need of a source to vent out, to seek answers to your questions..]

[Caution : This is not one of those interesting and funny posts that I write just for the heck of it.. Sometimes, you have to write because you are in dire need of a source to vent out your feelings..]

The Syndrome of Guilt
The Syndrome of Guilt
Among all feelings and emotions that exist in this world, that humans can imagine, feel and experience, the worst is, undoubtedly, the awful feeling of guilt..One may or may not realize it, but something that makes it the most hopeless feeling is the fact that getting rid of remorse is harder than getting rid of any other negative feeling..You can conquer and face your fears, you can go for stress busters when you're depressed..Every emotion can be dealt with, but, guilt claws its way out rather easily..This is because of two reasons :

Firstly, all human beings love to play the "Blame Game"..It almost becomes a habit..When someone hurts you and makes you cry,you can blame that jerk..When you're tragedy-stricken, you can blame your luck..When things go wrong in a relationship, you can blame your partner..When you fall ill, you may blame your poor immunity..When you witness something unfair, you blame the society, you blame the government..But when you know that you had been wrong, when you have to face the consequences of what you have done, you despise yourself and the Blame Game doesn't help you at all..
Secondly, as they say, time heals almost everything..Ever wondered why they include the word 'almost' in the sentence, it is simply because even time can not help you in certain cases..Regret is one of those cases..The intensity, the depth and the impact of all other feelings can reduce with time, but guilt haunts you and tortures you the same way, again and again..
And you continue to live with the albatross hanging around your neck..

Forgiving Yourself ?!
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you" - Lewis Smith
I really really like this quote..I like the overall concept of forgiveness..'Forgive, Forget and be Free', it is a cliche, isn't it? But then, I've felt and realized that this holds true..
But,why do we all talk of forgiving others all the time, when it is so very difficult to forgive ourselves?

Talking about myself, I have forgiven people who had hurt me..There were some people who never cared to apologize..I never understand the reason why they do not suffer from the anxiety and despair that is associated with guilt, but, I either forgave them or somehow ignored it all..As of now, I do not have any grudges against any person, living or dead..But, when I ask myself, "Have you forgiven yourself? Can you forgive yourself or can you simply forget it all and let the guilt go?"..I really don't find an exact answer to the questions..

While I'm writing this blog, my mind is flooded with endless arbitrary thoughts..I would try and put them into concrete words..Yes, I had made mistakes, but life is beyond regrets..I had been stupid, but who isn't? The only thing that affects me the most is that I have made the same mistakes more than just once, even while I knew what I ought to do, I did not..
I would have written more about the plethora of emotions, and suddenly, rather luckily, I found this quote..
And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, when guilt leads to good. - Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

The word regret itself talks about something that had been, something that you did or did not do in your past..The keyword is past, for whats done cannot be undone..Guilt becomes torturous only and only because we let it be, we do not even think of apologizing to ourselves, leave alone forgiving..If at all we think of ways to repent, guilt might lead to good..And I re-read the title again, a quote from the same novel and the very purpose of writing this fucking long blog.. There is a way to be good again..

I, hereby, forgive myself, taking an oath that I will repent..and this very act marks the beginning of the phase of fervour and enthusiasm..that was, perhaps, lost for a long time..As the Afghans say Zendagi Migzara (Life Goes On), and the phase of guilt comes to an end, and life moves on with a ray of hope, a hope that there is a way to be good again, that guilt will definitely lead to something good, something better than what the past had been..Amen!
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