Sunday, April 8, 2012

When Will You STOP BLAMING the VICTIM?!


[ This post is a medium to vehemently protest against something that happens to be totally outrageous and unfair.. You may call me a feminist and I don't care if you use adjectives like blatant, blunt or offensive to describe this blog, for even if some people realize what I wish to convey, I will be really satisfied as a writer, and more importantly, as a girl..]

A tenth standard student gang-raped in Noida

While there was a wave of rage throughout NCR, while UP Women's Panel issued notice against Noida police for revealing the victim's identity, the case also became a subject of gossip and meaningless criticism, and, surprisingly, the criticism was not against the rapists, it was against the victim !
Yes, I myself heard people around me say, "This was bound to happen..Such girls deserve this" ..I find it incomprehensibly difficult to describe my reaction to these absurd statements.. She deserved it ?? She deserved it just because she went out for a birthday party with five guys at night, and she was supposedly drunk when they raped her? How the hell could people forget that she had been brutally assaulted, that she has lost her dignity, her freedom to live peacefully, her happiness, forever !!
We live in a society where people love to blame the victim !! No one noticed that she was raped because someone raped her, but everyone did notice that she went out with men at night and she was drunk !

This is what cops in India have to say about rape cases.. Atrocious, shameful and unbelievable statements (Courtesy : Today's TOI, City Page)
" Ye ladkiyan peeti hain aur aapke saath sex bhi karti hain, jis din koi thok dega, rape ho jayega" (These girls drink and also have sex with you. The day somebody uses force, it becomes rape)
Aasaan nahi hota uske liye. Beizzati se sabhi darti hain. Asliyat me yahan wahi aati hain jo dhandhe me lipt hoti hain" ( Its never easy for the victim to report rape. Everyone is scared of humiliation. In reality, the ones who complain are only those who have turned rape into a business)
Will these cops come up with the same statements if the same thing happens to their daughters? How can they be so insensitive?




This blog is not only about the Noida rape case's victim, this blog is about every girl who is blamed for being a victim..
She went out for an evening walk, two men on bike came, hit her on her back and ran away even before she realized what had happened.. She went back home, she was scared, she told her mother..She was expecting her mother to abuse those eve teasers, but she scolded her own daughter.. and she was BLAMED for wearing a sleeveless top and a skirt, and asked not to wear the same again..This is, perhaps, the story of every Indian girl.. Yes, she is the VICTIM.. She is a victim of circumstances, she is a victim of the Indian society and Indian culture..she is a victim of the eve teasers..She feels scared for she knows that her city is unsafe for women..She feels violated when someone tries to hit her or touch her..She feels humiliated when men stare at her and her assets..She feels disgusted when her family tells her that its unsafe to go out to market alone at night..

When? When will you stop blaming her? When will you stop blaming all those women who get raped, who are living a lifeless life, full of humiliation, devoid of dignity, devoid of happiness?
Does a woman deserve to be raped just because she drinks? People say that its justified if guys drink, girls should not drink because its morally, ethically wrong.. Why are morals and ethics different for girls and guys?
They say that women wearing skimpy and transparent outfits, flaunt their bodies, and this is bound to attract and provoke any man at all.. But does that give them the right to rape her, to assault her, to spoil her life?
They talk of the so-called Indian culture.. Its against the Indian culture to wear skimpy clothes, its against the Indian culture to drink..If at all the Indian culture says that a woman who drinks is a "sex object" and men have the right to rape her, if at all the Indian culture says that someone who wears a mini skirt is a slut, I feel ashamed of it..I find it ridiculous as well as sick..How the hell can people justify those mother-f***ers and criminals who rape women? Isn't that against culture, against humanity? Perhaps this is the first postulate of the male dominant society in India, one always blames women for anything at all that goes wrong..

For God's sake, stop !! Stop blaming her ! Stop blaming her for wearing sleeveless tops and mini skirts if eve teasers comment on her, for she is the victim ! Stop blaming her when you watch her MMS clips, for someone else had morphed her pictures, and she is the victim.. Stop blaming her for wearing skimpy clothes, because no matter what she wears, she will always be a "sex object" for the rapists..I had watched a prostitute's interview on television, and this is what she had to say about rape cases in India , "Had there been no prostitutes, the number of rape cases would start increasing at an alarming rate"..This says it all..
She is sexually abused, harassed, blackmailed..She feels scared, she does not have the right to be free.. She is suffering and she is the victim.. Yet, men and women, cops and rapists, society and culture, everyone blames her!

This blog comes as an appeal.. If you really understand and agree,protest, protest and fight against anyone who blames her, anyone who blames the victim.. If you feel that what I wish to convey is right, please share this ! And remember, merely sharing of such pictures and blogs won't solve the purpose, we have to bring a change.. A change in the society, a change that happens to be the need of the hour..And the first step towards this change would be,to change your own mentality, the next time you hear about a rape victim, please do not think of reasons to blame her, do remember that, blaming a victim can never be justified !
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29 comments:

Neeraj said...

Smaller the clothes, more would be the probability that a man who has the thoughts or intentions of raping would rape. The blame is not at all on the woman. Of course, she has all the rights to do whatever she wants to, and the aim should be towards the control of men and not towards how the women dress.
But mentality of people doesn't change in a moment. It WILL take time. But if women stop wearing short clothes, or going out at nights, this change will never come.
And the mother was right when she scolded her daughter, for she cared only for her daughter and not about punishing the scoundrels.
(please don't kill me :D)

Sonia said...

Yes, the aim should be towards the control of men and not towards how women dress !
And I do know that it WILL take time, but we have to take steps towards the change..

with respect to the mother, the daughter always expected her to give her a hug, to tell her that everything would be fine, to deal with the episode with a lil patience instead of 'blaming' her for everything !

P.S. I respect all comments and all people commenting here, unless they come up with something really absurd or cheap..
(I won't kill you :P)

Thanks for the comment :D
"But if women stop wearing short clothes, or going out at nights, this change will never come." I liked this part of your comment ! Cheers !

ritika arora said...

there is a bigger picture involved in dis article..instead of this question : does rapes happen cz women wear skimpy and short clothes...the agenda is to bring awareness ..which will prevent furthur rapes to happen and to create fears in the mind of a rapist,so that he atleast thinks before doing a rape nxt time.... and rapes do happen in villages also where women wears full clothes (though such cases might not come into picture very often cz victims refrain to complaint)and moreover,in an well developed city like mumbai there are very less no of rape records(as compared to delhi) where women wears what they really want to..n thy hang out as late as men do...so we cannot conclude that rapes happen cz of any particular type of clothing..afterall who are they to decide what should a gal wear n what not...n a very classic example to strengthen my above statement is ..if rapes happen cz f this then foreign countries mainly US ,UK ,Australia etc shud have highest records of rapism...
the problem lies at the judicial level..if one wont get the punishment for his such insensitive actions..he is likely to repeat it plus encourage it among his peers...
so ,no doubt there is an urgency to protest against increasing rape cases coz definately wearing more clothes and sitting at home is not at all the right solution..infact we would be giving more power to them if we do so...
so lets raise our voices and make DELHI a better and safe place to live :)

Anonymous said...

I just remember the lyrics of Michael Jackson's song "For you and for me and the entire Human race.. There are people dying.. To save them for the living..."
Yes we are the youth of the nation and we have to take initiative for the better place to create a new world :-D
I wish :))
Cheers !

Sonia said...

@ Ritika
The problem lies in the mentality, the mindset, and we need to change it !!
Thank you very much for the comment !! Two words for whatever you wrote : "I agree!"

@ anonymous
I wish so too !:) Cheers !

arun said...

if we want to create fears in the mind of a rapist,so that he will think before doing something nxt time...."WE WILL HAVE TO STRENGHTEN OUR LAWS"....
you must be remembering such cases in which some assholes abducted a girl from the road, raped her in a moving car, threw her on the road after and flew away..... similiarly in another case a husband and wife were going, in the evening in a crowded market street in Bhajanpura, suddenly , two young boys came on a bike and one of them snached the woman's golden chain from her neck, the husband ran after the bike..... one of them took out a deshi katta and shooted him, the husband died on the spot.
where these incidents lead us to??..... simply there is no cost of human life in the minds of criminals, there is no fear of nothing sort of.... this situation must change, if we want to stop all this nonscence. how can they treat a girl like an animal? how can they kill a person for just a golden chain?
some time ago sheela dixit asked women not to go outside in the night..... instead she should have proposed a strong criminal law, consisting "DEATH penalties" for such crimes, fast track courts for these cases so that justice be done within months not in decades.
and yes ..."HUMAN RIGHTS should be for HUMANS .... not for BASTERDS"

Indian Home Maker said...

@Neeraj - //But if women stop wearing short clothes, or going out at nights, this change will never come.//

Very true.

Indian Home Maker said...

@Neeraj - Most sexual assaults are preplanned, and not based on how a woman dresses or her life style - but upon what are the chances of a rape being reported and the rapist being convicted. Also many rapes are not about sex but about power.

Women can wear drapes/burka but if rapists are not condemned and convicted, rapists will have no fear. And women can wear mini skirts but if rapists know sexual assaults will not be tolerated in a society, they won't dare attack. Countries that take sexual crimes seriously are safer for women than countries that ask women to change the way they dress, shop, make friends, drink, smile, walk, talk, live, work etc.

This is why a maid servant in conservative clothing, or a dalit girl in old, faded, 'un-provocative' clothing, tribals in remote villages, children in institutions, children of construction workers etc are seen as easy victims.

Neeraj said...

I think that the exact thought process of a rapist should be asked. What exactly was he thinking before doing it, how he came to the conclusion that now he will rape. And did he regret it after doing it or not.
If rapists do regret (regret raping, not 'being caught'), then something can surely be done by spreading awareness. Else, creating fear would be the only solution i suppose.

Bhagwad Jal Park said...

I can't recommend the movie "The Accused" enough starring Jodie Foster in 1988. Interesting to see that even "advanced" countries like the US had this mentality just a couple of decades ago.

Hopefully things will change in India as fast?

Sonia said...

@ arun
//"some time ago sheela dixit asked women not to go outside in the night..... instead she should have proposed a strong criminal law"//
exactly !!

@ Neeraj
There is something called conscience and for criminals and rapists, its already dead.. even if one of them feels guilty, tomorrow, someone else would go ahead and rape a woman !
What i wanted to convey was, if we continue blaming women, for the kinda clothes they wear, for their drinking habits etc. Rapists get a chance to justify themselves.. Moreover, if cops in India can be so insensitive about such serious issues n crimes, if they continue blaming women, rapists would live freely and victims would be punished by the society!
I CANNOT STAND THIS ! We, young citizens of India, as bloggers, as journalists, as writers, ought to create awareness regarding this! We ought to stop those cops, those men and women, we ought to stop this culture of blaming the victims!

Sonia said...

@ Bhagwad Jal Park
Can't say if things would change as fast or not.. but we have to do something to bring the change!

@ Indian Home Maker
Thank you very much for the comments..

//Countries that take sexual crimes seriously are safer for women than countries that ask women to change the way they dress, shop, make friends, drink, smile, walk, talk, live, work etc. //

Hell true !!

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Love Abhi said...

"are kya maal hai.."
this is what the first line of eve teaser.. There are many more boys, men ..who use this line after watching a girl with less dressed.
Even i too say this, but ..how ,why, .. to what extent one can say this?
In everyday life it looks just a fun stuff among friends.
But the realty slaps us when we watch the news about get raiped or sexualy harrassed. Sonia, m not talking about the victim , rapist, society, me and you. At first we hear about the news the starts our discussion, why and how..
Acording to me everyone has equal right of freedom, bhale hi wo koi farkat ladki ho ya sarif ladki. Agar wo chahti hai ki late night party kare to uska hak hai ki wo kare.. Uska adhikar hai, she is free to do anything what she want. Sirf is topic pe baat karna sayad sahi nahi hoga. Ab sochiye hamare society ke bare me, hamara indian culture, are aise culture ko to zala dena chahiye jaha humanity naam ki chiz nahi hai. culture and traditions written on books is not our society , society banti hai wo har ek ek admi se jo is civilized environment me rehta hai. Magar galti kiski? Ladki ki ya rapist ka? Mai nahi chahta ki dono parallel ideas ko mila diya jaye. Acha yahi hoga ki dono ideas ko jitna bada aur jitni door hum rakh sake, is se ye hoga ki ladki ki freedom v badhegi aur hamare culture aur tradition ko samajhne wale har log aur jyada gehrayi se samjhenge..
To ab, freedom, ye freedom hai kya? Drinking ? Smoking? Or rape?
No, nothing comes under the term freedom, its what we call this our desire.. So control your negetive desire.. And needs.
Noida case sachmuch pure desh ko sochne par majboor kar diya hai ki akhir galti kiski hai,
lakh humlog kuch v likh le.. Galti khoj v le par wo har naya news ek naya entertainment hi ban kar reh jayega..
Glamour aur fashion ke field me india bhot aage badh chuka hai bus kami reh gyi yaha ke logo ke maturity me. Jane kaha hai. . ..
Log kyo kuch achna nahi sikhna chahte ? , mai baat kar raha hu humare society ke comments ki, jb ek police wala aisi baat kar sakta hai to kaisi baatien rapist karte honge?

Sonia said...

@ Love Abhi

Comments on girls with statements like "kya maal hai" is not only cheap and deplorable, but also so sick that you can't put it in words!

Noida case sachmuch pure desh ko sochne par majboor kar diya hai ki akhir galti kiski hai,

I feel disappointed ! After reading these lines!
Galti kiski hai???
Do you really need to ask/answer this? Isn't that obvious? If people still do not realize that the girl was a victim and the rapist was a criminal, well, I really feel that sharing such blogs or articles or pictures can never bring about the change!

Its not about culture or society (jisko jala dene ki baat ki hai above comment me), its about logic, common sense and morality.. How can you justify a rapist, by saying that a girl was drunk or she went out with guys at night?

The idea is.. to change, to change the mentality! It must be hell obvious that people in India blame the victims! Therefore, the question isn't "galti kiski hai" , the question is, "jiske saath galat ho raha hai, usko kyun blame kiya jata hai.. aur blame karne wale policemen/men/women ko rokte kyun nahi hum sab?"

Think about it !

Love Abhi said...

See, Actualy i m not 100 % with your statement. I am just redefining the meaning of Freedom and Desire in 21st century.
You are a girl, you may take the side of girl, actualy the victim. But har victim ko bechara nahi kaha ja sakta.
And as you said , we can'not change the mentality, ye galat hai. Atleast we can take precaution , by compromising in freedom, just a little.. We can prevent these kind of act. And on the cost of a little sacrifice preventing this type of act is benificial for everyone. We must see the practicle impact of our efforts.

Sonia said...

You think I'm supporting her because I'm a girl? How can you not realize that her life has been finished, she is traumatized forever?
Its not about taking precautions! Why should a girl compromise with her freedom? Do you think rapists would stop raping women if they stop wearing skimpy clothes? NO.
Women are not raped because their clothes provoke men, they are raped because men are criminals and rapists !
Our society needs this change.. this revoultion.. and read Neeraj's comment once.. But if women stop wearing short clothes, or going out at nights, this change will never come.
I hope you realize this ! Nobody has the right to blame women for getting raped.. If young people like you talk of precautions/sacrifices.. this change would never come, sadly !

Love Abhi said...

not all Men are criminals .. you can not say them a rapist. the change and revolution u r talking about will definately come. i realize that wearing a complete dress cant bring it. but wearing short too cant change it. the rapist intention of rape is not a matter of sexual disease. its a lack of maturity and development. in most cases rape is the second crime done by the Criminals. kidnapping and murder activity usually leads to this kind of cases. and we all know who can help us here, Govt. and Police. in most developed countries the condition is not like India. cuz there law and order are good, they are matured... but jab tak hum yaha tak nahi pahuch jate, we need to compromise.

Anonymous said...

A woman can go around in the smallest mini skirt possible, with a sleeveless shirt and the words "RAPE ME" painted down her bare back, but if she is raped, the monster who did this terrible act holds the blame, not the girl. It may be smarter for her to dress less provocatively, but the choice is hers. Crimes should not be permissible just because they were easier to perform. Instead of restricting the rights of some, laws should be strengthened.

Sonia said...

@ Love Abhi
// kidnapping and murder activity usually leads to this kind of cases// Do you know how baseless this statement sounds??

You want Govt and police to help?? When police officers themselves come with such sick statements? When Sheila Dixit herself said that women should not go for night shifts?

Dude, unless this mentality is not changed, the cops would keep on blaming the victims the same way, like the society does.. This is equivalent to giving them an excuse for not working !


@ anonymous

Why would a girl ever paint it?
And yes, the choice is hers.. The choice must be hers.. because there is nothing like dressing "provocatively".. it is just a term coined by the society..

and yes, one correction, it does not make crime easier to be performed.. A poor woman dressed in a sari in a village is more likely to be exploited than a girl roaming around in mini skirts in a city like Mumbai..'

// Instead of restricting the rights of some, laws should be strengthened.//
exactly !

Ash said...

Well said. Nobody has the right to violate another person, no matter what she wears or whether she drinks. It's a pity how women are blamed for "provoking" rapists. Similarly, can we blame a murder victim for provoking the murderer!?

Sonia said...

Exactly ! It feels good when someone is able to understand and relate to what you wish to convey!

Ash said...

Came across this post again and read it, it is so pertinent. I feel strongly against the way things are for women here in India... they way they are blamed for the fault of men.

I have written on this topic too, do check out some of my posts on my blog

Neeraj said...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151094318381770&set=o.362990890382191&type=1&ref=nf

Sonia said...

@Neeraj

This picture is unbelievable !!!! Incredibly sick!!
#Don't exist x-(

Abhra Pal said...

Apart from punishment and strict laws, it is very crucial to educatebthe society att different levels and specifically the generations to come.

Harini said...

It's called rape culture. People are desensitised to rape. "Oh, she lived. Move on", "Boys will be boys", etc.

Sonia said...

@Harini.. Couldn't agree more !

@Abhra Pal : Its important to empathize..Even education won't help if we continue to blame them..

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