Tuesday, September 27, 2011

THE BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING

The saga of Arranged Marriages in India...

When you are in your early twenties,when you have a job that pays well, when you are said to be a sweet and innocent girl, when you have a decent family background, when you're neither skinny nor fat, you are bound to be surrounded by "Aunties", day dreaming about their son's wedding and thinking whether or not you would be an ideal daughter-in-law five years down the line..

And the reason why I'm writing this blog is simply the fact that I find it hard to believe that most of the middle aged men and women in India feel that the above mentioned reasons are enough for a girl to be a perfect match for their son, goes without saying that she should belong to the same community as well..

Well, 90% marriages in India might be arranged, and of course, they are said to be successful (only because they do not result in divorces), so even if people live their entire life compromising their happiness for they are 'supposed to' live together..they are labelled as happy couples with a happy married life..

And here goes a list of what arranged marriages are all about, please notice the word NOT in each point..
  • The day a girl child is born in India, her parents start making plans about the way they'll manage the expenses to make her wedding a grand affair..They say,you get married only once in life, and you ought to make it a memorable day..Well, if a billionaire spends 1 crore for a wedding, its justified,but if a simple middle class man is spending 25 lakhs for a wedding, he is actually giving away whatever he had earned in his life.. Most of the readers might disagree, but endless rituals and extravagant expenditures can NOT contribute towards a happy married life.. It is only because of the kind of society we live in, it has, unnecessarily, become a necessity..
  • Marriage is NOT a money game.. Everyone knows that any relationship based on greed and luxuries can never last long, even then, arranged marriages in India are all about the guy's salary package, the girl's salary package, the family business, the family status and so on.. I do not realize the reason why girls wish to marry a guy just because he's earning loads and loads of money.. Money can get you anything, but it can't buy happiness, and never buy the compatibility and mutual understanding that matters the most..
  • Relatives, society, religions and communities do NOT have any right to control your life and pressurize you for anything at all, leave alone something as crucial as your own marriage.. Once again, the society and its people have a great influence, and unfortunately, its almost unavoidable in India..
  • People somehow forget that their kids' marriage is NOT only about fulfilling their responsibility, but the most important decision in their kids' lives...They ought to give them as much time as they want, rather than being in a hurry to get rid of their own responsibility, rather than being pressurized by the society..
  • Match making centers, matrimonial sites and astrologers and relatives can NOT really predict whether two individuals will be happy spending their life together or not!
Part- II

And, finally, the saga of the Great Indian Wedding comes to an end..
I, therefore, begin with the purpose of writing this blog.. It may sound weird, but I am really not promoting love marriages, for somehow, I feel people have forgotten the meaning of love..for marriage is about compatibility, love, mutual understanding, acceptance, togetherness, friendship and much more ! I simply wish to write about the importance of things that matter much more than the criteria by match making centers and middle aged Indian people..

Well, every individual has some elements of madness, some elements of weirdness, and he/she is actually incomplete without the same..We all have some beliefs, some principles, certain ideologies that we wish to live with.. And, therefore, if you have to spend your entire life with someone, you would at least want the person to know and understand what makes you who you are!

It is not necessary that two individuals should have the same likes and dislikes, same ideologies, to get along well.. The only thing that matters is the fact that one should 'accept' you the way you are and respect you, love you for the same!

Friendship and love are not about merely sharing your likes and interests, experiences and phases of your life.. Sometimes, its about sharing a part of yourself.. When two individuals have a perfect mutual understanding, they are always there for each other, no matter what.. No misunderstandings, no sad phases can affect the fact that they can't let each other go !! And perhaps, this is what you require to be happy together, everything else is secondary..
Moreover, nobody is perfect.. You cannot expect a huge list of amazing qualities to be there in any person at all..A perfect relationship is all about whether or not you are perfect for each other..

All you need is a companion, a person who cares for you truly, who understands you perfectly, who cannot see you being sad and puts in efforts for your happiness,who knows all your flaws yet sees a flawless person in you and above all, someone who has complete faith in you..

Well, when you are tired of your job and you come back home, when you are sick and frustrated of things going around you, you need someone to give you a hug, to cheer you up, to be with you and support you when you are at your weakest..
Everyone deserves a person "meant for him"... and hence, only two factors should control the same, what destiny offers to you and what you wish to choose !

At the end, all I wanna say is, "love cannot be arranged"

Cheers !!

P.S.
All kinda comments are welcome, feel free to say anything at all.. but its a humble request from my side, please do read it with an open mind and think before forming an opinion !

Next blog soon !
Sonia
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24 comments:

aditi rastogi said...

so bloody true!:D
D scene is indeed dis, families dese days need a revamp in dere thinking,for sure!
gr8 one,as always:)

DISGRUNTLED GENIUS said...

I will pick three lines from this post:

"Money can get you anything, but it can't buy happiness, and never buy the compatibility and mutual understanding that matters the most."

"people have forgotten the meaning of love..for marriage is about compatibility, love, mutual understanding, acceptance, togetherness, friendship and much more "

"All you need is a companion, a person who cares for you truly, who understands you perfectly"

...
Picked these lines as people have forgotten that this alone should be the base of any marriage/relationship.

Honest post. One of those rare ones which give a true insight into the thinking of an individual. Loved this post for that very thinking.

Anonymous said...

One sentence..3 words...

"YOU ARE RIGHT"
as always.. loved your blog..

- A follower

silicone septa said...

That makes a lot of sense!

Beauty Tips said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sonia said...

Thanks for your comments n likes everyone :)

Latest MBA News said...

Nice one. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Абсолютно верно!

Riya said...

Fuckin awesome! fuckin true!

venky said...

Nice Thinking, and well drafted, not sure, how many would understand the concept to follow, nice try

Sonia said...

Thanks everyone :)

Will said...

Hi Sonia! I am a moderator at TV Tropes, and I'd like to ask your permission to use the cartoon on this blog post as the page image for the Arranged Marriage trope page (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main.ArrangedMarriage). Credit will be given to your blog if permission is given.

Thanks for your time and attention.

Will

Sonia said...

Hi Will !

I'm glad you asked for permission and kept blogging ethics in mind :)

Yes,you may share the image (provided its shared with a link to this very post)..I would be happy if more people read,understand and realize what I wished to convey :)

So..you can always share this image with a link to the post :)
but..please make sure that the written content of the post is not copied/used at all..
for that's what matters for a writer..the article that he/she writes..images merely help to portray the same!

Thanks for visiting!

Rahmath said...

I loved every single thing in Part II. It's true.Marriage IS about "compatibility, love, mutual understanding, acceptance, togetherness, friendship". It doesnot matter if it's love or arranged.

Thanks for sharing.Loved the way you write. Following you.:)

Sonia said...

Thank you so much Rahmath :)
I liked your blog too !! :D

@ Will
I'm sorry I forgot to mention that I had myself taken this pic from a different source..I saw your discussion in my traffic sources..You may use this image without my post's link, in that case..but I don't have any clue regarding the original source of the image! Let me know if you find out! Even I'll mention it here!

Ash said...

lovely post!! :) love indeed cannot be arranged... it comes through knowing another person well!

Confused Soul said...

Wow that was such an amazingly written post. Agree with the points.
Voted for you..yayiee :D

ALl the best babe :)

Sonia said...

@ Ash
Thanks a lot! :)

@ Confused Soul
Thank you so much !! :)Yayayyayy :D
I liked your post too! All the very best :D

Love TJ said...

Yeah ...every indian should read this post. one day revolution will happen..

Arvind Passey said...

Well, you're right... what everyone needs is a companion and the route doesn't matter (LM or AM). Which just means that you've also written what most of the bloggers have written -- if companionship is found in a relationship, it is fine and acceptable.
Great!

Arvind Passey
www.passey.info

Sonia said...

@ Love TJ and Arvind
Thank you for your comments!
Arvind, you are right! It does not matter if its LM or AM, what matters is the person you are with!

raunak.only4u said...

I was going through your Blog Sonia. And have not much to say but I liked it.

Girish Jodi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dhwani Swadia said...

"every individual has some elements of madness, some elements of weirdness, and he/she is actually incomplete without the same..We all have some beliefs, some principles, certain ideologies that we wish to live with.. And, therefore, if you have to spend your entire life with someone, you would at least want the person to know and understand what makes you who you are!"

This is so true!! Love or arraigned, a marriage works only on acceptance.

Totally agree to all these points!

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