Saath Rupaye !

This is not fiction. All characters of this story are real. In fact, I should not call it a story. This is a real experience shared by an acquaintance, who had been traveling across the country for a business stint. Trust me, the conversation is not at all exaggerated. Do read.


"Sahab aapki umar kitni hai?"
"Baais saal"
"Kya baat hai sahab..itni jaldi bade aadmi ban gaye aap?"
"Koi aadmi bada ya chhota nahi hota"
"ye raaste se choodiyaan kiske liye khareede the saahab?"
"Apni chhoti behen ke liye.."
"Koi premika nahi hai aapki? kya kehte hain aap log angreji mei, 'girlfriend', 'girlfriend' nahi hai koi?"
"Nahi, koi nahi hai"
"Kya baat kar rahe ho Saahab, dikhne mei hero lagte ho, achchha khaasa kamaate ho, aap toh jise chaho haasil kar lo"
"Haasil nahi karna chahta..saath dena chahta hoon uska..khush rakhna chahta hoon use"
"Aashiq mijaaj maaloom hote ho saahab.."
"Aisa hi samajh lo..Achchha highway pe koi dhaba aaye toh gaadi rokna..bahut bhookh lagi hai.."
"Dhaba yahan se kareeb 7-8 kilometer pe hai..Peete ho sahab?"
"Nahi..main nahi peeta"
"Aur aapke liye aur koi intezaam karna hai ?"   
"Kaisa intezaam?"
"Yahin dhaabe ke paas..laal batti hai sahab..ek ghanta thokne ke saath rupaye..aap toh ameer aadmi ho, paanch sau bhi kharch doge toh kya jayega"
"Kya badtameezi hai ye..khabardaar jo aainda aisi baat ki mujhse toh..Agar gaadi aise kahin roki bhi toh tum.."
"Arre aap toh bura maan gaye saahab.."
"Biwi nahi hai tumhari?"
"Uske aage toh laal batti wali feeki pad jaaye..par kya karein sahab, hum thehre driver, mahine mei ek baar milte hain apni aurat se..Ab aadmi ki bhi apni zarurat hoti hai saahab"
"Tumne kaha tum laal batti apni zarurat poori karne jaate ho..kabhi socha hai uski bhi koi zarurat hogi..wo agar soche kahin apni zarurat ko pura karne ki..kya karoge tum?Achchha itne samay baad milte ho..Kabhi koi tohfa le ke jaate ho uske liye?"
"Tohfa kya saahab..Uski zarurat hum puri kar hi dete hain, mard se badh ke kya tohfa hai gharwali ke liye"
"Ek kaam karo..ye choodiyaan rakh lo,,maine apni behen ke liye khareedi thi..tum apni biwi ko de dena..Usko achchha lagega."
"Rehne do saahab..Iski kya zarurat hai"
"Zarurat hai..kyunki tum uski zaruraton ke bare mei jaante nahi..."


Saath rupaye ! Only sixty fucking rupees ! And you can buy a woman's body for an hour..

We live in a country where a video by an actress talking of her choices goes viral in the name of feminism, where a TV actress having sex with a rich businessman becomes a headline...but neither the media, nor these videos for empowerment or the men and women busy talking about these over-rated subjects care about women who do not have choices, who are actually forced into prostitution, who are not even treated as individuals by their husbands, leave alone equals. "My choice" is a ridiculous, meaningless phrase for some women in this country. If at all we could do something for these women, I wish I could think of something.. I thought and thought, I had no answers!

Sonia 

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If Every Child is Legitimate Now, I Support Madras HC

Madras High Court order on pre marital sex and marriage has sparked a controversy which is going viral on net. I have lost the count of the different versions, opinions, judgements, views and above all interpretations that I have read about the same.

Let me just begin with sharing the links for the news :

Couples who have premarital sex to be considered 'married' : says HC

However, I still believe that the title by The Hindu for the link above was somewhat misleading.
Therefore, I would also like to share TOI's article. Its an interesting read.

The very statement "If a couple in the right legal age indulge in sexual gratification, it will be considered a valid marriage and they could be termed as husband and wife." has raised eyebrows, made headlines, been the hot topic for debates all over the country.

While people have been criticizing and ridiculing the verdict, while there have been funny facebook posts "trolling" the pre marital sex=marriage part (without looking at the exact interpretation), while people are questioning the fact that there can't be documentary proofs for sex between a man and a woman, while some say this would actually mean polygamy for those who casually sleep with more than one woman, I feel that considering the present case, there is one aspect that simply can't be ignored, and that is, according to Justice Karnan,

" the petitioner’s rank has been elevated as the `wife’ of the respondent and likewise, the respondent’s rank has been elevated as the `husband’ of the petitioner. Therefore, the children born to them are legitimate children"

And, this statement, precisely, is the reason why I am writing this blog.

No Child Should Be Called "Illegitimate". Period.

For a moment, forget the case, forget the verdict, forget the controversy and the endless articles and blogs about the same. Consider a case where a man and a woman have sex, but they are not married to each other, the woman gets pregnant and eventually gives birth to a child. Now, since they are not a married couple, the child born to them would be an "illegitimate child" for s/he would be born out of wedlock, where the marriage is invalid or void in the eyes of the law. More importantly, such children would be termed as "naajaayaz aulaad" in the eyes of the Indian society forever!

Was it the fault of the child that s/he was born as a result of pre marital sex and not sex after marriage? Why should the child be devoid of proper education, nutrition, bringing up and care? Why should the child carry the psychological and emotional burden of being called 'naajayaz' throughout his/her life?

If Justice Karnan's verdict implies that such children deserve a life beyond the tag illegitimate' ,deserve financial support,education,love and affection ,deserve a life like that of so-called legitimate kids whose parents had had sex only after getting married ,I support such an interpretation of the case!

Yes,I understand that two individuals cannot get married just because of a sexual intercourse and a one night stand. I admit that people,particularly women ,might use such laws for blackmailing others, this may lead to forced marriages too. I do believe that if a woman or a man wishes to be a single mother or a single father to the child, s/he can't be forced. But then, the child will have to suffer because of the word 'illegitimate' as long as he is alive, and may be his own children will also have to suffer for the same.

Thus, in spite of everything, this verdict does hold good for cases where pre marital sex leads to pregnancy and/or child birth. Many girls in India commit suicide in case if they get pregnant and they can't abort the child. Many men in India still use and throw women for lust in the name of love and commitment. Almost all kids born out of sex without marriage go through the mental torture of "being illegitimate"

And the worst part is that irrespective of laws and legal terms, indian society would continue to be equally rigid. Gays and lesbians are still not accepted in our society even after Section 377. Do you think we will ever accept pre marital sex and unmarried pregnant women? Even if a law is introduced to support such kids in all similar cases , society would continue to call them "Naajayaz Aulaad", unmarried pregnant girls would continue to go for illegal abortions and suicide attempts!

The irony is that Indians do not condemn something as brutally illegal as rape as much as they condemn pre marital sex which involves mutual consent. And just like they have no sympathy for rape victims, they have absolutely no acceptance for the "illegitimate children". Perhaps people in India have decided that they would keep their notions, their so-called values and culture above all logics, all ethics, all sympathy and humanity.

Justice Karnan and his verdict has been like a proof to the fact that we, the people of India, love to look at only one side of the coin, and that side is the side which deserves criticism, blames and sarcasm.
If at all we could think of accepting children born after sex without marriage, if at all we could let unmarried pregnant women live their own lives, such a verdict would not have been needed in the first place.

Every newspaper, every blog writer, every other person may have come up with his/her interpretations and views. I have just one thing to say.

I reiterate my words.. "No Child Should Be Called Illegitimate. Period"

Sonia Bhatia

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Marriage MATERIAL or a LIVEly Daughter??

Ever since I have started working in a government organization, people around me keep saying, "your prospects of getting married to a nice guy are brighter and better now " I always feel like laughing at this illogical statement and I fail to understand why a job or its type is linked to marriage in India, more importantly, why is every fucking thing treated as an eligibility criteria for being an ideal marriage material for Indian girls? Right from her looks to her education, right from her health to her job, everything perhaps has one primary objective- to make her eligible for getting married, to make her perfect in every sense, not with an intention to teach her how to be a good citizen/woman/daughter/wife/mother, but with a fear in their minds, a fear that one day she has to get married and her future in laws expect her to be perfect!!
Confused?? Read the following points one by one, please note that every word is TRUE and REAL

• She is a school kid, like all kids of her age ,she loves playing and watching TV much more than cooking and other household chores, but her mother always tells her that if she does not learn how to cook ,she will be in deep trouble after she gets married, in fact ,this would act as a hindrance in their path to find a suitable match for her.. Why do we have to teach our kids in such a fashion that inculcates fear in them, that makes them feel scared of marriage and in laws at the age when they don't even know what marriage is? Why can't we simply tell them that they ought to learn things for their own good ?
• She is a bright student. She has always been a hard working and sincere girl. However, one fine day, when she could not score well in an exam, her mother warned her about competition for jobs , telling her that everyone 'asks' and 'demands' for working women these days..People say that nowadays parents consider education of their daughters as important as education for their sons, the exact reason lies in the previous statement! Can't she have her own ambitions? Shouldn't we ask her to work hard and be independent? Perhaps her own ambitions don't exist for all those people who think she should work only to meet the 'demands' of people looking for a working wife for their sons!
• She was a lively,bubbly college kid, she never cared about what others thought of her, her friends used to call her 'fatty' for she was slightly overweight, it never affected her much! One fine day , her mother told her, " Nobody would marry you if you continue to gain weight like this" and that was the first time when she was affected by a comment! Why can't we ask our daughters to take care of their own health and fitness in the first place? Isn't her well being important otherwise? Why is her being perfectly eligible for marriage more important than her being perfectly fit and fine? Aren't we responsible for making them feel confident ?
• She was a talented, creative fashion designer working for a boutique ,she wanted to have her own startup, but her family insisted that she should think of getting married now for she was 25 already! Why is society's pressure valued more than a girl's dreams and plans? Doesn't she have a right to be ambitious? Who makes these ridiculous rules? 

A mother can never even think of doing something that makes her daughter sad, yet,without realizing the emotional and psychological impact of all these things on her daughter, she continues to do so..why? The answer is simple. Indian parents are the victims of Indian society, they can't stand their daughters being not suitable in the eyes of the society! Sadly, even TV serials and movies promote the same culture, the same ideologies that preach that a girl's life is all about one major life event- marriage and her parents ought to prepare her for that right from the day she is born.

Marriage, undoubtedly , is like the biggest turning point in a person's life! But why do we expect a person to be perfect when we think of getting married? I find it incomprehensibly difficult to believe that people totally forget things like compatibility and mutual understanding! The irony is that they fail to realize that they are looking for a daughter-in-law, who is a human being, with her own flaws, her own qualities, her own beliefs, they are not going to buy a product with desirable configurations and specifications!

The message is simple and is dedicated to all Indian parents with an intention to make them understand something very important. She has her own life, her own identity! She doesn't deserve to be treated like a commodity in a market of cut throat competition! She deserves to be respected!
Love her, care for her , make her feel confident , make her feel beautiful, ask her to respect herself, teach her to love herself the way she is! Ask her to explore the whole world, teach her to be bold, be optimistic! Let her be free, let her discover herself, let her dream, let her aspire, let her strive for success, let her smile, let her be !

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