She Needs EMPATHY, not EMPOWERMENT

This women's day, I simply could not stop myself from writing a post. No, this is not about women's rights, this is not about empowerment and this is not about sexual harassment, female infanticide, dowry and other social evils..

This post is against ridiculous ways of celebrating International Women's Day. This post is against all those who think women need special job offers, special rights or empowerment (I swear this word reminds me of Rahul Gandhi more than anything or anyone else). What girls and women really need is liberty and empathy and what we are giving them is the exact opposite. 

An Appeal to all Companies

When I had my first interview, guys around me said, "Getting core mechanical jobs is so easy for girls, all auto sector companies "prefer" girls in order to improve the sex ratio". When I had my second job interview, which was for a PSU, guys around me said, "Getting into a PSU is a cakewalk for girls. They would take them in any case, it is a government organization, they have to increase the number of women employees.”

Do you think I blame guys for such an attitude? I am not sure if I should blame them, but I do blame all those companies that are coming up with a "Special" Recruitment Drive for Women.

For God's sake, stop! Please stop these recruitment drives in the name of HR initiatives and CSR. Jobs for women blessed with affluent and well educated parents do not fall under Corporate Social Responsibility and it does not bridge the so-called gap in any manner.

Women are equally intelligent, deserving and competitive. A special recruitment drive for them is a reservation in a way and reservations of any sort have nothing to do with liberty. What you are doing is not empowering women, it is simply advocating and exemplifying what young guys feel about recruitment in Indian companies.

If you really want to do something for women and their liberty, invest in educating young girls.

If you really want to do something, tell workers from shop floors, Chai walas and sweepers in their company that their wives deserve to be respected, teach them not to get drunk and beat their wives, teach them that domestic violence is a criminal offence.

An Appeal to all Parents

You love your daughters and you want them to grow up as educated, independent women. The word independence does not mean being financially independent only. It is about aspirations, thoughts and desires.

Stop preparing her to get married, stop preparing her to be perfect. She is a human being and would always remain imperfect. Stop telling her things that you never mention to your sons. Why is it OK for her brother to abuse while she can’t? Why is it OK for her male cousins to get drunk at a family function while she can’t? Why is it OK for guys of her age to watch porn, while she can't even think of doing that?

Why do you expect your daughters to be sophisticated, pretty, naive, innocent and teetotalers? Why does society have different rules for girls and guys? For every MMS scandal, for every rape case, for every case of pre-marital sex and teenage pregnancy, why do we say, “He was a guy, it is OK for a guy to do so, after all, men will be men, but she was a girl, she should have been careful. Why didn’t her parents teach her anything?”

I find this absolutely ridiculous. Why is it “normal” for a man to have sex or have the desire to have sex while it is “immoral” and “a sin” for girls?

Please do not let your ethics and moral values be gender based. The definition of right and wrong, moral and immoral must be the same for both girls and boys. That’s it.

An Appeal to the great Indian Education System

They say that Indian schools must introduce sex education for teenagers. Yeah, right, we live in a society where one can openly talk of Cancer and not of AIDS and we talk of sex education!

Teenagers do not need a biology class that includes facts about our hormones and reproductive system. What boys actually need is an open session to teach them that there is more to a woman than her boobs and legs, to counsel them about relationships, to guide them so that they grow up to be responsible men who respect women, who treat them as equals, who have the ability to empathize with them.

A message to all women

You do not need a day to remind you that you are special. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Respect your goals and ambitions, value your independence. You were not born to make sacrifices, you were not born to follow what society says, you were born to live your life on your own terms! Cheers!!

Sonia

Widget on

Marriage MATERIAL or a LIVEly Daughter??

Ever since I have started working in a government organization, people around me keep saying, "your prospects of getting married to a nice guy are brighter and better now " I always feel like laughing at this illogical statement and I fail to understand why a job or its type is linked to marriage in India, more importantly, why is every fucking thing treated as an eligibility criteria for being an ideal marriage material for Indian girls? Right from her looks to her education, right from her health to her job, everything perhaps has one primary objective- to make her eligible for getting married, to make her perfect in every sense, not with an intention to teach her how to be a good citizen/woman/daughter/wife/mother, but with a fear in their minds, a fear that one day she has to get married and her future in laws expect her to be perfect!!
Confused?? Read the following points one by one, please note that every word is TRUE and REAL

• She is a school kid, like all kids of her age ,she loves playing and watching TV much more than cooking and other household chores, but her mother always tells her that if she does not learn how to cook ,she will be in deep trouble after she gets married, in fact ,this would act as a hindrance in their path to find a suitable match for her.. Why do we have to teach our kids in such a fashion that inculcates fear in them, that makes them feel scared of marriage and in laws at the age when they don't even know what marriage is? Why can't we simply tell them that they ought to learn things for their own good ?
• She is a bright student. She has always been a hard working and sincere girl. However, one fine day, when she could not score well in an exam, her mother warned her about competition for jobs , telling her that everyone 'asks' and 'demands' for working women these days..People say that nowadays parents consider education of their daughters as important as education for their sons, the exact reason lies in the previous statement! Can't she have her own ambitions? Shouldn't we ask her to work hard and be independent? Perhaps her own ambitions don't exist for all those people who think she should work only to meet the 'demands' of people looking for a working wife for their sons!
• She was a lively,bubbly college kid, she never cared about what others thought of her, her friends used to call her 'fatty' for she was slightly overweight, it never affected her much! One fine day , her mother told her, " Nobody would marry you if you continue to gain weight like this" and that was the first time when she was affected by a comment! Why can't we ask our daughters to take care of their own health and fitness in the first place? Isn't her well being important otherwise? Why is her being perfectly eligible for marriage more important than her being perfectly fit and fine? Aren't we responsible for making them feel confident ?
• She was a talented, creative fashion designer working for a boutique ,she wanted to have her own startup, but her family insisted that she should think of getting married now for she was 25 already! Why is society's pressure valued more than a girl's dreams and plans? Doesn't she have a right to be ambitious? Who makes these ridiculous rules? 

A mother can never even think of doing something that makes her daughter sad, yet,without realizing the emotional and psychological impact of all these things on her daughter, she continues to do so..why? The answer is simple. Indian parents are the victims of Indian society, they can't stand their daughters being not suitable in the eyes of the society! Sadly, even TV serials and movies promote the same culture, the same ideologies that preach that a girl's life is all about one major life event- marriage and her parents ought to prepare her for that right from the day she is born.

Marriage, undoubtedly , is like the biggest turning point in a person's life! But why do we expect a person to be perfect when we think of getting married? I find it incomprehensibly difficult to believe that people totally forget things like compatibility and mutual understanding! The irony is that they fail to realize that they are looking for a daughter-in-law, who is a human being, with her own flaws, her own qualities, her own beliefs, they are not going to buy a product with desirable configurations and specifications!

The message is simple and is dedicated to all Indian parents with an intention to make them understand something very important. She has her own life, her own identity! She doesn't deserve to be treated like a commodity in a market of cut throat competition! She deserves to be respected!
Love her, care for her , make her feel confident , make her feel beautiful, ask her to respect herself, teach her to love herself the way she is! Ask her to explore the whole world, teach her to be bold, be optimistic! Let her be free, let her discover herself, let her dream, let her aspire, let her strive for success, let her smile, let her be !

Widget on